Murderer
by Miss-Blue664
Summary: And Wufei Knows that Duo's Unfaithful and It's killing him... Duo's POV


**Murderer**

_Story of my life,  
__Searching for the right, but it keeps avoiding me  
__Sorrow in my soul, 'cause it seems that wrong  
__Really loves my company_

I don't even remember why we got together, I mean don't get me wrong he was attractive and a hard nut to crack, but that was all the surprises there were to him. Underneath that warrior façade, Wufei was just another sob story; one you'd heard too many times and you knew the out come of the story before you even got to the last page. True, it's sad that he lost his wife, it's sad that he had to give up everything he believed to fight and take revenge, yeah, I feel for 'im, my heart goes out to him. But I don't love him. There's just nothing there holding me to him anymore. After the first month Wufei fell into a routine, a very predictable routine. And three months later, he's still as predictable as he was a month ago.

He'll take me out for dinner, say the sweetest things (he really knows how to inflate ones ego) and then take me home and love me. But it's not love, it's just the motions for me, pleasure is all it is anymore, pure pleasure.

_He's more than a man, and this is more than love  
__The reason that this guy is blue  
__The clouds are rollin' in,  
__Because I'm gone again  
__And to him I just can't be true_

Yet I stay in the same bloody house, with the same bloody man, why? Because I feel bad, I've always had a soft heart, and Wufei is just so...-what's the word? - … cute? Like a puppy; has these eyes that just make me go 'aw' when he looks at me. I don't want to hurt him, I don't, I've never wanted to hurt any body, it's not like me; never will be, but here I am, hurting him.

Well he pretends that he's oblivious, and I pretend not to know that's he's pretending. It's just the way things are, he's holding on, and I'm trying to find the easiest way to break it to him, but Heero keeps my mind occupied. Now there's a man a guy can love.

_And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
__And it kills him inside  
__To know that I am happy with some other guy  
__I can see him dying_

Where to begin? Heero Yuy, tough guy, a hard nut to crack, but I'll be damned if I didn't find a treasure under that hard shell. He's unique, not typical, he does the most unorthodox things, but my god, when we first kissed he blushed! Actually blushed, he's so sweet and only physically touches me when were alone; he hates people staring, or so he claims, I think he's shy. But unlike Wufei, Heero is never 'predictable' he'll surprise me every day. And tonight, is another one of those nights.

I'd just come home from work, been a hard day, slightly on edge, because of the stress of my job. Wufei is always home before I am, so he'll cook a decent meal, and wait for me. I guess another thing that turn me away from him, was after I cracked his shell he never tried to repair the shell he stayed soft, wearing his emotions on his sleeve, also so agreeable, as if I was always right. I'd wonder whatever happened to that Wufei that would scream at the top of his lungs with this murderous intent in his deep eyes my last name, "MAXWELL!" Then he'd chase me around until we were both dead tired trying to cut of my braid. But now it's, "Of course Duo" or "I'd be more than happy to do that for you Duo." It's kind of creepy.

So back to dinner, I'd come home. Dinner was waiting for me and me I was stressed. I think Wufei barely got a hello out of me before I stormed past him to the shower. Hot showers always relaxed me, so I took a shower, cleaned and in a more reasonable mood I went back to greet my 'lover.' We hugged and kissed; every time we touch I feel guilty, so damned guilty.

_I don't want to do this anymore,  
__I don't want to be the reason why  
__Every time I walk out the door,  
__I see him die a little more inside_

"What are you're plans for tonight?" he asked quietly. I feel my shoulders tense but I just smile, "I thought I told you, I'm going out with Quatre, we're going to go hang out at the bar, do a little catching up."

Wufei raises a brow and says nothing. Mentally I sigh, because I know he knows.

_I don't want to hurt him anymore  
__I don't want to take away his life  
__I don't want to be,  
__A murderer_

"Well tell him I said hey," Wufei said as we sat down to eat. I look down, and realize with another guilt trip that he'd fixed my favorite. He –hated- pizza, I knew that, and here it was fixed by him for me. I looked at him with puzzled eyes and he meets my gaze with a subdued gaze as if he was 'planning' something. And I note as we eat how quite he is, I mean more than normal. Normally he'll grunt in reply to my ramblings, not tonight, he nibbles at the food, and says nothing. No sounds, no nothings. This chilled shiver goes down my spine and I wonder if tonight would be the night Wufei would finally get that he's not going to be able to hold me. I eat heartily, because even I can't go with out eating his cooking, he was good and he did a wondrous job on the pizza. I tell him of course which gets me a half smile; normally I would get this warm happy grin. Yet again, a trip down guilty lane.

I clean the kitchen as was normal, an arrangement that we made when I first moved in, who ever cooked didn't have to clean the kitchen the other did. Which, seeing as I CAN'T cook, didn't actually get to cook often. So I got stuck with the cleaning detail. After the kitchen I wonder to our bed room to slip into my bar clothes. Leather pants and a leather jacket over a freshly laundered cotton button up. I smiled at my reflection only to see Wufei standing in the door way behind me; I turn to him with another puzzled look. Something was not right.

_I feel it in the air, as I'm doin' my hair,  
__Preparing for another date  
__A kiss upon my cheek, as he reluctantly  
__As if I'm gonna be out late_

"You look good," he says answering my gaze, but not my question. I nod my thanks, "Can't go out looking like I just walked in from the job."

Wufei manages an uneasy smile and he walks over to me and takes me shoulders in his hands, I'm confused by his actions and become worried when he kisses my lips gently, as if … saying goodbye?

"Wufei?" I asked catching his arm, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired."

I gave him my 'are you lieing to me' look and he actually chuckled, and I couldn't decide if I heard irony in his laugh. But he just kissed me again, "Don't stay out to late."

_I say "I won't be long. Just hangin' with the girls."  
__A lie I didn't have to tell  
__Because we both know, where I'm about to go  
__And we know it very well_

"Like Q-ball can stay out all night, Trowa would kill me if I got him to drunk to come home!" I laugh, another lie I know I really didn't have to tell. I'm just trying to protect him? From what? The truth? Well he knew, he knew from the first night, but I've been lieing since then, so why stop. I give his lips a brief peck, "I'll be back before you can say 'bob's yer uncle!'"

And I vanished out the door.

_'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
__And it kills him inside  
__To know that I am happy with some other guy  
__I can see him dying_

My Gods, my night was so good. Heero surprised me yet again, took me out to a –very- sappy chick flick, and actually was interested in the story line. I think I laughed but then at the end we both ended up bawling, some of the girls were looking at us like we were a pair of loonies. And then red eyed and tear stained us went back to his place to talk about nothing and something at the same time and after a while made the most passionate love. His rough but gentle hands were like a sin and his mouth… dear gods another sin from heaven.

When we were basking in the after glow he startled me with a single question, "When are you going to leave him?"

I blinked still a little light headed from the sex, "Who? Wufei?"

He didn't answer just gave me –that- look. I sighed and turned away, not really sure how to answer it. I didn't know when I was going to leave Wufei; I mean yeah I –wanted- to leave him I just didn't know how or when I was going to break it to him.

_I don't want to do this anymore  
__I don't want to be the reason why,  
__Every time I walk out the door,  
__I see him die a little more inside_

"You have to eventually," Heero replied to my silent thoughts, "You're just adding insult to injury now."

"I know..." I replied more guilt, "I know... I just can't bring my self to openly admit I don't love him."

"Why not?" Heero asked, genuinely stunned.

_I don't want to hurt him anymore  
__I don't want to take away his life  
__I don't want to be  
__A murderer_

"He trusts me so completely I feel like I'm breaking something scared…" I replied truthfully.

"But you've already betrayed him," Heero replied, "Why keep 'hiding' it?"

"It's like telling you're self for so long you didn't do it, and then to admit it… the truth feels like a lie."

Heero looked at me skeptically, "I don't see how he can live with the knowledge you're with me."

"I don't know."

_Our love, his trust  
__I might as well take a gun and put it to his head  
__Get it over with;  
__I don't want to do this anymore_

Heero took me home; I'd taken a quick shower so I didn't stick of sex, which would only cause more light to drain from Wufei's eyes. And that was the one thing that killed me, when he looked at me and knew and another little piece of him just dies. I'd always feel so dirty, as if I'd committed a cardinal sin. So tonight, I told myself, I'd stop lieing to us both, and just admit that I don't love him and that I'd found someone else. I'd let him go back out and find his right; it wasn't right of me to keep him locked in a relationship like this. And I'd never meant to hurt anyone. It just happened.

_And I don't want to do this anymore  
__I don't want to be the reason why  
__And every time I walk out the door,  
__I see him die a little more inside_

But tonight after I gave Heero his little kiss I walked up to Wufei's apartment the house was deadly still, everything was as I'd left it. Lights on, it was after 3 in the morning, everything should be dark, Wufei sitting up waiting for me, but the raven haired Asian was not in the living room or the kitchen. I wandered to our bed room and I nearly fainted. So much blood…

_And I don't want to hurt him anymore  
__I don't want to take away his life  
__I don't want to be  
__A murderer_

The gun was lying in Wufei's hand, my pillow was clutch to his chest and I could tell that he'd been crying, and now the entire bed was soaked in his blood. I stood there for quite some time, not able to move, to speak, just staring at his dead body, and suddenly all this actions today made sense. He was trying to bribe me with the pizza, he was telling me with his eyes what I was driving him to, and that kiss was a good bye kiss. My actions drove him to his death. Every time I walked out that door to meet Heero, he died a little inside, and finally there was nothing left but his physical and empty shell to kill off. I killed him, I never meant to… I never meant to be… I never… never…

_A murderer _


End file.
